It seems that Xanga has lost its verve... but there are a few that still linger here. I can honestly say that I have been sucked into the Myspace masses, but not without good cause! I have found that Myspace is an excellent outlet for creativity. I suggest you pay my "Myspace" a visit. It is much more in-depth than this page, and it has a very different nuance about it. Much of my computer artwork can be viewed on my Myspace, as well can be read a short-story series that I have been writing called "Lotus Borne." If interested go to: http://www.myspace.com/Lonely_Bard Or search for my display name which is "Indigo Lotus" ...Or search for me by my name..."Jeremy Gotwals" Whatever you choose, you can't lose!
It's so strange to be posting here again, it truly is like traveling back in time. I have walked many roads since my post in June. Yet I find, no matter the road, they all eventually lead us to the same destination. Anywho, enough prattle about ambiguous "roads," you're probably wanting some news. Currently, my life is composed of the following: My arts (that includes spirituality/philosophy in addition to my music and other arts, though they are intrinsic), my writing for the Herald Times, my Radio Show, volunteer stuff, school... I stopped working at the Bakehouse on the 11th of July... I started working at Bucceto's Smiling Teeth on the third of August... I stopped working at Bucceto's Smiling Teeth on the second of September... I am currently unemployed. And some other eledged "mumbo jumbo" This will be my last post here for a while, I do feel. If you want to talk to me you can find me on Myspace or on AIM Or any of the other means that one might contact an individual Can you say... message in a bottle? =P
[It is my deepest apologies for such a large gap between posts. My life... has changed greatly since my last post.]
Thus, school has come to pass, and at last summer
is yet again upon us. Yet still I feel as though there is this... tedious
obligation, this burden, above my shoulder. Perhaps the "Mind frame"
of summer has yet to slip into my mind. Nostalgia of last summer enters, and
fades. Memories... enter... and fade, as we compare what was to what has
become; change. So much has changed, and is changing, so fast, and yet so slow.
This tapestry, 'tis strange how it is carefully woven with the wandering wires
of my mind. Of our minds. Love of the past has dithered into the wind, love of
the future is an illusion, and therefore all we can love is now. If this is
true, and we continue to move on, then why does this tapestry reconnect us with
those delicate, sensitive ties that have long since been severed from our lives?
It is funny how new stages are reached, in our lives, in our practice, only for
us to realize that there is still so much more. Meditation, growth,
enlightenment; this field which we cultivate, the field of our mind, we conscientiously
grow the flowers of our compassion, of our happiness, our wisdom, and though
these flowers whither into dust due to our daily delusions, the rain of our
suffering makes the barren fields lush again.
And so the cycle roars on. And so, we persist. Oft
we are caught between two roads, and now more than ever am I. It is funny what
I have seen, and yet I question it all. It is funny to really put into
perspective the different sides you all see of me; some of you know me as a
whimsical, spontaneous, care-free... well... Jeremy. And some of you actually
have seen something more, a lotus, that I wish to share with the world, but one
so fragile that even the slightest change in environment could cause it to wilt.
Thus I cultivate this lotus, and it grows, and one day I hope it will heal. But
for now, sadly, until I have fully sorted this out in my mind, you will see two
sides. Therefore, for now, I walk between two roads, a division in my mind.
Bah- Myspace, what good is it? Gobble, gobble, gobble, it's all the same constant prattle. Why then, is it so entrancing? Perhaps Tom is a member of a government agency and is secretly controlling our minds!?!?!? Or... perhaps Myspace is simply the Oasis for a horde of bored teenagers. Still we flush these verbose texts onto page after page, flooding the cyberspace with our words dry and void of any real substance. What is this but a soliloquy of inane, meaningless, blather. Day after day, nattering away, all seems to pass, and all seems to fade. What life is brought to this corpse? The corpse of the soul slain by our sword. The sword of media; the sword of mundane. And yet can we not find relent?! Can we not find escape?! Can we not free ourselves from this drudgery, and find a place of balance, a place without such morose. Damn this vile abyss! In it our minds are sucked, our mentality set on one melancholy image deluded by the dithering slur driveled from our piteous lips. These words- they are patulous, and we go deeper and deeper into the chasm, the sepulcher of the human intellect. Our brains dull and lacking of vivacity, our bodies of vitality! SPARE US FROM THIS HOLE! SPARE US FROM THIS FORLORN FORTRESS DEFICIENT OF ALL FACULTY! CURSE THIS MORBID REGION, THIS DESOLACE, THIS MOST WRETCHED AND DEJECTED ANGUISH CALLED "MY SPACE!" Yet day after day after day WE CONTINUE TO SPEW THIS BILIOUS ACID! WE CONTINUE TO EMIT THIS VITRIOL THAT VEXES OUR VITALITY! This space, 'tis so free, yet so enthralling, it is incommodious. We are cramped into a swarm, a throng, a bevy of blank drones. Yet in this mass, we continue to post our blessed beatitude. But who am I to speak of such things, here on Myspace we all eat the same gruel. It is this gruel that sustains us, and carries our very being. What can I say? I'm a member of the same table.
My 16th birthday came and went, like so many things of the past. Yet I had a grand time, and more than anything my party reminded me of how much has changed. The crowd was slightly different from my other two parties, and the feeling wasn't quite the same. In the corners of my basement I see the shadows of broken memories... and I recall upon the year and ponder just how truly amazing it was. Just a step away is 2006, and I am ready to dive into it head-first.
So I propose a toast,
To friendship
To love
To heartbreak
To age
To the past
To the present
To the future
To family
But more than anything, Life. We have all grown here in this little world so large, and we are always growing. Now more than ever I realize the love I have for my friends, and always I shall remember the times we have all had. Good and bad, all was exactly as it should be, if I had the opportunity to go back in time and change something, I would change nothing. Not a thing.
What do I regret? That I ever had regrets in the first place.
It is interesting when we stop to look at one snowflake. It falls to the ground and melts. Such is symbolic to everything in our lives. Ah... but when we focus on that one snowflake, we miss the world around us... it is as if the other snowflakes no longer exist. Folly? Perhaps, but oh what a life that one snowflake lived... though in an instant gone and short in our eyes, it lived for so much more than those silent seconds; but eternally lingering, like the sands of time.
As of the morrow, my birthday shall be eight days away exactly (the 23rd of December). I am considering having another party ('twould be the third grand gathering I have held). All eyes that gaze upon this are welcome to come, assuming I do indeed have it. Before I announce my third bash, I would first like to see everyone's timing, plans, ETC. The others all ran with incredible success, and I am happy to say that "Don't Panic" is still on my wall from the HitchHiker party.
I apologize for my last post (before deleting certain content involving individuals I shall not name), know that my brain was not entirely 100% efficient.
Ah... winter is upon us. At long last I can once again feel its icy grips. Winter is so nostalgic... and reminds me of so many things. My posts seem fewer and wider apart in days. In those days of lacking posts, know that I reminisce on the wistful pieces of my past (as well as writing music about it).
